Lightening Up My Life...

Sometimes you do everything right. You plan your meals, track your food, even throw in some extra exercise for the week...and you STILL gain back some of the weigh already lost! That is what happened to me last week.

I'm not on this journey for anyone else but me. I really enjoy reading about other people's weight loss journeys, but only I can do the work to lose the extra weight I need to lose. That's why it was such a disappointment to see the numbers go back up last week. The scales showed a 2.4 gain at my last Weight Watchers' weigh in. I felt like no matter how hard I try, it still didn't matter. Do you ever feel that way?

The OLD ME would have cried, felt like a complete failure, grabbed some serious chocolate, and abandoned the WW plan...along with my dream of becoming a healthier version of myself.

The NEW ME still cried (well, just a few tear of frustration and self-pity) and then I put my big girl pants back on and got down to the business of tweaking my plan to get some better results from the scales this week.

And you know what?

IT WORKED!!

I didn't give up on Weight Watchers. More importantly, I didn't give up on myself, and the reward for believing is getting on the scales this morning to see I've lost 3.2 pounds this week.

I hope my continuing story helps inspire someone out there that is having a rough time. Maybe some unplanned food found its way to your plate this past week. Maybe when the morning exercise alarm rang, you just hit snooze and went back to sleep. Maybe its Mother Nature playing tricks on you to see if you REALLY and TRULY want this new, healthier lifestyle. 

And just maybe it's the new YOU, letting you know you've got this weight loss thing under control. That YOU aren't going to let those numbers on the scale define or scare you any more.

You're stronger than that.

You're more beautiful inside than you ever imagined and now is the time to let that beautiful spirit loose so the NEW YOU can, step by step, take you into a world where a healthier, happier YOU is waiting to meet you!

Bending the Universe To MY Will...

My son and I joke all the time about how the universe always seems to bend to his will. Just this morning we were remembering the time when he left his college backpack at the main bus terminal late one night. He naturally panicked when he finally got home because he just knew no one would return the $2000 Mac laptop, $300 iPhone, $200 iPod, or other assorted items totaling almost $5000. We even raced back to the spot at nearly midnight just in case the gods were smiling upon him but of course no backpack was waiting there for us. But there was one thing we DID forget about...

My son's uncanny ability to bend the Universe to his will.

Proof you say? The next day my son gets a phone call from his bank. Of all the various "criminal" types that might have been lurking around a late night bus station and could have picked up that back pack, my son got lucky. A little, old couple stumbled upon the bag, discovered my son's bank statement tucked inside (along with all the electronics, loose money, and other items), and HAND DELIVERED IT BACK TO THE BANK for safe keeping. My son went over to his bank between college classes the next day and recovered everything like nothing had ever happened.

That is just one example of the many, many instances where the luck of the universe seems to always bend in his favor. I've encouraged him countless times to play the lottery but smart man that he is, he always refuses to gamble. Except for that one time on his 21st birthday when he decided to buy ONE lottery ticket...and WON!

I was thinking of him this morning when I stepped on the scales to do my weekly weigh in. I'm enjoying my journey on getting healthier but when I titled this blog, CLAWING MY WAY BACK TO A HEALTHIER ME, I didn't realize there would be days when it would be such a true statement. The scales was NOT my friend today...showing a 2.4 pound gain...even after my diligent tracking of every morsel I put in my mouth. I am on the Weight Watchers Online Program and I'm loving the challenge of using daily and weekly Smart Points. I've been on the program since April 3rd and I'm down 25 pounds so far. That is, until this morning when those numbers went back up a wee bit.

Who knows why the Universe likes to play with me so much...like the fact I'm ALLERGIC to allergy medicine or the fact I have a very rare blood disorder that kinda makes me ALLERGIC to most of the food grown in the world. I know losing weight is going to be a struggle sometimes and sometimes those numbers on the scales are going to bobble up and down but just once I would love to have a touch of my son's astronomical luck and have the Universe bend to MY will. 

Just once...

NOTHING TO FEAR BUT FEAR ITSELF...

I'm crying right now. I just stepped on the scales and I've lost 4.8 pounds this week. I'm looking at a number I haven't seen in probably 5 years.

And I'm scared.

In the past, smaller numbers on the scales came from dealing anorexia during a time when most of the world didn't know what it was, and most of the people in MY world didn't really care enough about me to see those smaller numers on the scales were slowly killing me.

And I'm scared.

My past has also included binging which brought those numbers on that scale higher than I ever thought possible. Most of the people in the world who might not ever deal with weight issues just presumed I was lazy. It even crept into my professional life when I was told by the parents of a potential new student that I was "too fat" to be allowed around their child. The people in MY world either didn't understand the emotional issues I struggled with or didn't care enough to help me overcome the negative self-talk I kept listening to and so the numbers on that scale kept climbing.

And I was still scared.

I finally decided on my own to care about ME, no matter whether anyone else around me does or not. I started Weight Watchers on 4/3/16 and today I see numbers on the scales I haven't seen in years. It's not the numbers that scare me anymore, but the fact I haven't really had any struggles following this program for almost two months now.

I'm wondering where all the negative self-talk is hiding and when those demons will rear their ugly heads again to sabotage my efforts? I was afraid I was going to have to stop this online program in July because I'm on a VERY limited income and just didn't know how I was going to be able to afford it. My sister, who is disabled and on a limited income as well, is planning giving me enough money next month to pay for 5 more months of the online program so I can continue this journey to a healthier me. I so grateful for my sister.

But I'm still scared.

I have NO ONE to talk to about what scares me and my feelings whrre food is concerned so I write this blog, reaching out to you, in the hopes of connecting with other like minds clawing their way back to a healthier version of themselves. 

It doesn't matter whether we have 20 pounds or 200 pounds to lose. The battle is the same and each personal victory will taste just as sweet!

I might be scared, but I hope when my fears feel overwhelming to me there will be someone out there who will have a friendly word or two of encouragement to help me remember that I'm worth fighting for...;~)

It Isn't All About The Numbers...

 

I'm going into week 7 on Weight Watchers and I've come to learn a few things about myself. I was on Weight Watchers when I was in my twenties and came to within ten pounds of my goal before I let someone convince me I wasn't worth the journey. This time around I'm staying true to my WW plan and have consistently seen the numbers on the scales slowly but surely get smaller.

But this past week everything changed a little.

I've been on vacation for the past few days and today was weigh in day. Up until this past week I've stay perfectly on plan and while the pounds lost have been slow, everything has gone in the right direction. But this vacation challenged me to be mindful of everything I put in my mouth. The Weight Watchers food plan is based on a point system and while away from my familiar setting I tracked everything as best as I could and even walked an extra 15 HOURS over my normal daily 30 minute minimum. I ate out twice over the past two days but made the best choices for me.

I got on the scales this morning really not knowing what numbers I would see. Knowing I had Chinese yesterday I was ready to see a weight gain so the .8 pound addition was neither surprising nor frustrating. As my best friend would say:

IT IS WHAT IT IS, SO MOVE ON!

If I were to allow myself to wallow in self pity because the scales reflected the wonderfully relaxing time I had these past few days, I would be turning my nose up to all the GOOD I've done since joining WW last month. 

This .8 pound gain could be water retention from two sodium filled meals in the past two days. It could be from swollen muscles...or even the beginning of new muscles...from all the mountain climbing I've done this past week. It could simply be I didn't track perfectly EVERY SINGLE BITE during my vacation. There could be dozen different reasons for that slight increase on the scales. But you know what?

IT DOESN'T MATTER!

It's in the past and today is a new day for me. As long as I work the WW plan, the plan will work for me. I'm not allowing my first gain since joining 4/3/16 to derail my momentum. I'm already planning my day and all I can say is...

I CAN DO THIS!!

Tools For My Journey...

Putting on extra pounds is sooooo easy to do. It's the taking off of them that is so blasted hard. Most of the time we don't even know when those unwanted pounds have crept into our lives until one day we look in the mirror and discover we can't recognize the face looking back at us. What happened to that slimmer, healthier version of ourselves we once knew? Where did we go??

Like the long, painful journey it took to get where I am today, I have begun my journey to go back to my beginning. Back to a place when I wasn't ashamed to look at myself in the mirror. Back to a healthier version of myself when I could walk into any store I wanted and select clothing from the rack instead of from some back pages of a super size catalog.

I'm clawing my way back to a healthier me and have armed myself for this fight with the following tools:

1. A TAPE MEASURE...I received a brand new tape measure with my Weight Watchers' welcome package. I know I should measure my body now before I get any further on this weight loss path but I'm not sure I'm ready to do that yet. I'm embracing the idea of the pounds I'm losing, but a small part of me is too ashamed to know just what those numbers are. Maybe some day...

 

2. POUNDS LOST VASE...another WW member posted something similar online and I loved this idea so much I had to make one for myself! I found these clear vases and colorful pom poms at my local dollar store and for only $4 I now have a cute visual on how many pounds I have lost so far and how many to go.

 

3. MOTIVATIONAL CHART...it took me over two years to reach my first level Black Belt at my martial arts school. I have decided to use the same dedication and determination in this weight loss journey as I have used to achieve my current rank of Fourth Degree Certified TaeKwonDo Instructor. To that end I created a "black belt" board for my weight loss goals. For every 10 pounds I lose, I will go up in rank until I achieve my black belt in weight loss as well!

I'm also creating some yummy recipes for myself but THAT is for another post...

Weight Watchers Here I Come!

When you are on a very tight budget there isn't a whole lot of wiggle room when it comes to joining a weight loss support group or program. Fortunately for me, at the beginning of April Weight Watchers ran an online special I felt I could afford.

For only $49 I have 3 months of access to their online program which includes, tips and tricks, menus, workout routines and videos, the online community, points calculator, 24/7 expert chat, and the entire WW smart point system. It also included a welcome package which included cool things like a drink mix bottle, measuring tape, food journal, recipe books, tote bag and more stuff totaling $75 in value!

I had been on WW years ago, right before I became pregnant with my son, and thought it was a good program then, but WOW, the new, improved program is GREAT! I've been on it for four weeks now and am happy to report that I have had absolutely no problem sticking to the plan and have lost almost 12 pounds so far!

I call my journey to a healthier me #turtlepower because I am no longer in such a rush to lose tons of weight all at once. Been there, done that...it's called anorexia...and I dealt with it for years before I came to my senses. Now I will stick to healthier eating, add in extra exercise when I am able, and watch those numbers on the scales drop one...by one...by one...



Negative Nelly vs Positive Polly



I have come to the conclusion stepping on the scales more than once a week is bad for my motivation and self esteem. I weigh in on Sunday mornings and last Sunday, after two weeks on the new Weight Watchers Online program, I was down 5.2 pounds. That's about as much as this bag of flour. I was feeling pretty good about this whole weight loss thing.


This past Wednesday I stepped on the scales to see how my week was going and the numbers screamed at me that I had regained 3 pounds! I KNEW I had been following the WW plan correctly. I KNEW that weight could have been the result of water retention or even sore muscles from beginning a new workout routine. At that point logic didn't seem to matter. It was extremely discouraging to see those numbers when I was trying so hard!


The old me would have listened to Negative Nelly yelling in my head to just give up and run for the first bag of chocolate I could get my hands on.


The NEW, IMPROVED me listened to Positive Polly whispering in my head, "You can do this!", so I just took a deep breath, stepped off the scales and continued to follow the plan.


This Sunday I will weight in and no matter what those pesky numbers say I will know in my heart that I've overcome the first of many hurdles on the road back to a healthier me. Positive Polly's voice might be tiny, but my potential is to be MIGHTY enough one day to carry all that extra weight on my head instead of my hips!


Happy Weekend everybody...