Lightening Up My Life...

Sometimes you do everything right. You plan your meals, track your food, even throw in some extra exercise for the week...and you STILL gain back some of the weigh already lost! That is what happened to me last week.

I'm not on this journey for anyone else but me. I really enjoy reading about other people's weight loss journeys, but only I can do the work to lose the extra weight I need to lose. That's why it was such a disappointment to see the numbers go back up last week. The scales showed a 2.4 gain at my last Weight Watchers' weigh in. I felt like no matter how hard I try, it still didn't matter. Do you ever feel that way?

The OLD ME would have cried, felt like a complete failure, grabbed some serious chocolate, and abandoned the WW plan...along with my dream of becoming a healthier version of myself.

The NEW ME still cried (well, just a few tear of frustration and self-pity) and then I put my big girl pants back on and got down to the business of tweaking my plan to get some better results from the scales this week.

And you know what?

IT WORKED!!

I didn't give up on Weight Watchers. More importantly, I didn't give up on myself, and the reward for believing is getting on the scales this morning to see I've lost 3.2 pounds this week.

I hope my continuing story helps inspire someone out there that is having a rough time. Maybe some unplanned food found its way to your plate this past week. Maybe when the morning exercise alarm rang, you just hit snooze and went back to sleep. Maybe its Mother Nature playing tricks on you to see if you REALLY and TRULY want this new, healthier lifestyle. 

And just maybe it's the new YOU, letting you know you've got this weight loss thing under control. That YOU aren't going to let those numbers on the scale define or scare you any more.

You're stronger than that.

You're more beautiful inside than you ever imagined and now is the time to let that beautiful spirit loose so the NEW YOU can, step by step, take you into a world where a healthier, happier YOU is waiting to meet you!

NOTHING TO FEAR BUT FEAR ITSELF...

I'm crying right now. I just stepped on the scales and I've lost 4.8 pounds this week. I'm looking at a number I haven't seen in probably 5 years.

And I'm scared.

In the past, smaller numbers on the scales came from dealing anorexia during a time when most of the world didn't know what it was, and most of the people in MY world didn't really care enough about me to see those smaller numers on the scales were slowly killing me.

And I'm scared.

My past has also included binging which brought those numbers on that scale higher than I ever thought possible. Most of the people in the world who might not ever deal with weight issues just presumed I was lazy. It even crept into my professional life when I was told by the parents of a potential new student that I was "too fat" to be allowed around their child. The people in MY world either didn't understand the emotional issues I struggled with or didn't care enough to help me overcome the negative self-talk I kept listening to and so the numbers on that scale kept climbing.

And I was still scared.

I finally decided on my own to care about ME, no matter whether anyone else around me does or not. I started Weight Watchers on 4/3/16 and today I see numbers on the scales I haven't seen in years. It's not the numbers that scare me anymore, but the fact I haven't really had any struggles following this program for almost two months now.

I'm wondering where all the negative self-talk is hiding and when those demons will rear their ugly heads again to sabotage my efforts? I was afraid I was going to have to stop this online program in July because I'm on a VERY limited income and just didn't know how I was going to be able to afford it. My sister, who is disabled and on a limited income as well, is planning giving me enough money next month to pay for 5 more months of the online program so I can continue this journey to a healthier me. I so grateful for my sister.

But I'm still scared.

I have NO ONE to talk to about what scares me and my feelings whrre food is concerned so I write this blog, reaching out to you, in the hopes of connecting with other like minds clawing their way back to a healthier version of themselves. 

It doesn't matter whether we have 20 pounds or 200 pounds to lose. The battle is the same and each personal victory will taste just as sweet!

I might be scared, but I hope when my fears feel overwhelming to me there will be someone out there who will have a friendly word or two of encouragement to help me remember that I'm worth fighting for...;~)

It Isn't All About The Numbers...

 

I'm going into week 7 on Weight Watchers and I've come to learn a few things about myself. I was on Weight Watchers when I was in my twenties and came to within ten pounds of my goal before I let someone convince me I wasn't worth the journey. This time around I'm staying true to my WW plan and have consistently seen the numbers on the scales slowly but surely get smaller.

But this past week everything changed a little.

I've been on vacation for the past few days and today was weigh in day. Up until this past week I've stay perfectly on plan and while the pounds lost have been slow, everything has gone in the right direction. But this vacation challenged me to be mindful of everything I put in my mouth. The Weight Watchers food plan is based on a point system and while away from my familiar setting I tracked everything as best as I could and even walked an extra 15 HOURS over my normal daily 30 minute minimum. I ate out twice over the past two days but made the best choices for me.

I got on the scales this morning really not knowing what numbers I would see. Knowing I had Chinese yesterday I was ready to see a weight gain so the .8 pound addition was neither surprising nor frustrating. As my best friend would say:

IT IS WHAT IT IS, SO MOVE ON!

If I were to allow myself to wallow in self pity because the scales reflected the wonderfully relaxing time I had these past few days, I would be turning my nose up to all the GOOD I've done since joining WW last month. 

This .8 pound gain could be water retention from two sodium filled meals in the past two days. It could be from swollen muscles...or even the beginning of new muscles...from all the mountain climbing I've done this past week. It could simply be I didn't track perfectly EVERY SINGLE BITE during my vacation. There could be dozen different reasons for that slight increase on the scales. But you know what?

IT DOESN'T MATTER!

It's in the past and today is a new day for me. As long as I work the WW plan, the plan will work for me. I'm not allowing my first gain since joining 4/3/16 to derail my momentum. I'm already planning my day and all I can say is...

I CAN DO THIS!!

Tools For My Journey...

Putting on extra pounds is sooooo easy to do. It's the taking off of them that is so blasted hard. Most of the time we don't even know when those unwanted pounds have crept into our lives until one day we look in the mirror and discover we can't recognize the face looking back at us. What happened to that slimmer, healthier version of ourselves we once knew? Where did we go??

Like the long, painful journey it took to get where I am today, I have begun my journey to go back to my beginning. Back to a place when I wasn't ashamed to look at myself in the mirror. Back to a healthier version of myself when I could walk into any store I wanted and select clothing from the rack instead of from some back pages of a super size catalog.

I'm clawing my way back to a healthier me and have armed myself for this fight with the following tools:

1. A TAPE MEASURE...I received a brand new tape measure with my Weight Watchers' welcome package. I know I should measure my body now before I get any further on this weight loss path but I'm not sure I'm ready to do that yet. I'm embracing the idea of the pounds I'm losing, but a small part of me is too ashamed to know just what those numbers are. Maybe some day...

 

2. POUNDS LOST VASE...another WW member posted something similar online and I loved this idea so much I had to make one for myself! I found these clear vases and colorful pom poms at my local dollar store and for only $4 I now have a cute visual on how many pounds I have lost so far and how many to go.

 

3. MOTIVATIONAL CHART...it took me over two years to reach my first level Black Belt at my martial arts school. I have decided to use the same dedication and determination in this weight loss journey as I have used to achieve my current rank of Fourth Degree Certified TaeKwonDo Instructor. To that end I created a "black belt" board for my weight loss goals. For every 10 pounds I lose, I will go up in rank until I achieve my black belt in weight loss as well!

I'm also creating some yummy recipes for myself but THAT is for another post...

Negative Nelly vs Positive Polly



I have come to the conclusion stepping on the scales more than once a week is bad for my motivation and self esteem. I weigh in on Sunday mornings and last Sunday, after two weeks on the new Weight Watchers Online program, I was down 5.2 pounds. That's about as much as this bag of flour. I was feeling pretty good about this whole weight loss thing.


This past Wednesday I stepped on the scales to see how my week was going and the numbers screamed at me that I had regained 3 pounds! I KNEW I had been following the WW plan correctly. I KNEW that weight could have been the result of water retention or even sore muscles from beginning a new workout routine. At that point logic didn't seem to matter. It was extremely discouraging to see those numbers when I was trying so hard!


The old me would have listened to Negative Nelly yelling in my head to just give up and run for the first bag of chocolate I could get my hands on.


The NEW, IMPROVED me listened to Positive Polly whispering in my head, "You can do this!", so I just took a deep breath, stepped off the scales and continued to follow the plan.


This Sunday I will weight in and no matter what those pesky numbers say I will know in my heart that I've overcome the first of many hurdles on the road back to a healthier me. Positive Polly's voice might be tiny, but my potential is to be MIGHTY enough one day to carry all that extra weight on my head instead of my hips!


Happy Weekend everybody...



It's A New Day...

 

It's been seven months since I've posted here. Seven months where LIFE beat down on me and kept me busy and gave me excuses to ignore the pink elephant trumpeting in the room. For fifteen years I have been passionately pursuing the chance to receive my Master Fifth Degree Black Belt rank in TaeKwonDo but for the past two years or so I have sorely neglected my training. This shows in the numbers on the scales and my inability to participate in testing for the ultimate rank at my school.

To be completely honest, I am ashamed of what I have become. Saddened I have allowed ANYTHING...EVERYTHING...get in the way of reaching my martial arts goals. So easy to blame the fourteen hour days of summer camp or commitments of my new writing career or even the requests of friends and family that can eat away at my free time. But I started this particular blog to try and keep it real...to be completely honest with myself...and the ONLY REASON I am overweight is because I have allowed it to be so.

I'm returning to this blog after a soul-searching hiatus where I have worked hard to prepare myself for the long road ahead. There are unique as well as common medical issues I deal with but I refuse to allow them to get in the way. I have limited financial means to buy the healthiest of meal items but refuse to allow that to stop me from doing what I can. I even have a bum leg that is a constant reminder of the person I can no longer be but I REFUSE to allow it to be the reason I won't reach my goal of becoming the new and improved me!

To that end, and to keep myself accountable, I will randomly post updates to my journey as well as share various things I learn along the way which have been helpful to me. I know I'm not alone in my struggles with my weight. But it is my nature to self-sabotage...as if I am not worthy of a healthier lifestyle and THAT is the monkey on my back I will endeavor to shake off. 

Am I alone in feeling this way? I don't think so. I think there are many others like me in the world....wanting so badly to step out of the shadows and into the light of self-appreciation. Maybe some will follow my journey. Maybe some will join me in the battle. I hope so...then we can all be WARRIORS together and reach our individual goals together!

Here are four things I've put into place to help me move forward with my plan to claw my way back to a healthier me:

1. Joined a gym...it's only $10 a month and by cutting out junk food I will be able to afford to do this. I started today and will see how sore I am in the morning...;~)

2. Loaded the Hungry Girl Diet app on my iPhone...this free app gives me easy access to healthier meal choices and I can always go to their website at www.hungrygirl.com for even more cool recipes.

3. Loaded the My Fitness Pal app on my iPhone...this free app allows me to track things like what I eat, how much exercise I get, and the water I drink. It also gives me encouraging information like how much overall weight I will lose in a certain time frame if I stay on track.

4. Going back to training one on one with my martial arts instructor two times a week beginning next week. The combination of these changes will hopefully allow me to test for my Master rank by this time next year.

Have YOU  been wanting to make changes in YOUR life? Are YOU wanting to get back to a healthier weight? You don't have to struggle alone. Let's reach that goal together!! Let me know in the comments one change you can implement in your life right now to put you on that path to a better you...