THE FIRST FIVE

 

I found this flag somewhere on the internet. It actually belongs to the people of the Gambier Islands but I think I will borrow it for now. I know nothing about the Gambier people but if this island is like most places, there was struggle in the beginning to grow the culture which lives there now. Two steps forward, one step back sort of pace as the roots of one civilization dug in and began to grow.

I like the look of this flag...five little stars to represent the start of something bigger. Just like the first five pounds I've now lost since beginning this journey to a healthier me. No, it's not been easy. For me, food is tied to my emotions and it's been a roller coaster week where that is concerned. My boss came down with the flu and I ended up running the entire school by myself for the week. It's not that I thought myself incapable of handling it. I felt bad my best friend was so ill and I'm really happy now he's on the mend. It's just I am responsible for soooo many things in my life (even if it's of my own choosing) and being fully responsible for the school, even for only a week, put more emotional stress on me than I would have liked. 

The old ME would have come home every night and dove into chocolate...or maybe chips. I typically use food to put a damper on my stress induced emotions but, at least for this past week, I didn't. I had already cleaned out my cupboards so when I got home, the only indulgent food in the pantry was the peanut butter and sugar free strawberry jam I eat for breakfast. Not exactly the stuff of binging fantasies so I drank a mug of hot green tea with Splenda instead and watched some TV til the urge to eat ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING passed.

It's a baby step for me...this purging my system of the craving for sugar. I watched a documentary recently on sugar addition in America and it said our brains react in the same way to the "high" from sugar as it does from the "high" of cocaine or heroin. That's kinda scary when I KNOW those drugs will kill you so just what is SUGAR doing to me???

So wave on little five-star flag. Wave on for the first five pounds I've said goodbye to on the road to a healthier me and may many, many more stars be added to my little flag in the days to come!

THE DIE IS CAST...

It seems EVERYONE is trying to lose weight these days. You go through the holidays where everyone in the house seems to have amnesia when it comes to healthy eating. Then January 1st rolls around and everyone jumps on the bandwagon to lose some extra pounds while trying to eat healthier.

I've decided to journal my journey back to a healthier place. But this blog isn't going to be all about pounds and inches lost, although I would love to be able to announce my shrinking shadow from time to time. No, this blog will be more about the emotional and psychological side to my journey. I KNOW I'm not the only one in the room that is feeling their stretchy pants aren't as stretchy as they used to be so hopefully there will be readers out there who will stop by to say hello and see they aren't alone in their goals.

Let's start out by getting the embarrassing part of out the way. This is a little secret I keep only to myself...and now potentially with millions of other people around the blogosphere.

319.

Yep, that's the number I saw when I gingerly stepped on the scale this morning. My GOD, how it hurts to have to admit that, but this is my journey and if I can't be honest with my myself, then what's the point?

I could say I have 17 different medical issue which is affecting those numbers and it would be the truth. I could also say I've been fighting multiple eating disorders since I was 17 and THAT would be the truth as well. But neither one of those statements is the REAL reason I am overweight. As my best friend always tells me, THOSE are just EXCUSES and the walls I hide behind instead of facing the truth.

The TRUTH as to why that number on the scales is so high is because somewhere along my life I lost control. I lost control of my food portions. I lost control of my will power to say no to food temptations. I lost control of being able to look in the mirror and actually liking what I see.

And the really sad part to the TRUTH is that I exercise control in almost every other aspect of my life. My day job consists of being a 4th Degree Black Belt Certified Taekwondo Instructor 10-12 hours each day. Then I go home and work on my other career which is a Children's Book Author where I'm on my computer until around midnight or one a.m. And if you don't think juggling two careers takes a lot of self-control, try it some time!

So this is why I chose 2015 to be the year of clawing my way back to a healthy life. Even if I only take baby steps...by this time next year I will have made so many small changes in my life that it will all add up to one incredibly healthier ME and who can argue with that?

Want to take the journey with me? Starting in February, my regular posting days will be Tuesdays and Thursdays here...maybe more often if I'm not working on my author blog at www.donnalmartin.com. I plan to write about what's in my head on this journey on Tuesdays and maybe post helpful hints, recipes, motivational quotes, etc on Thursdays.

Hope I didn't bore you with this first post and hopefully you'll be seeing a lot less of ME real soon!

Thanks for stopping by and come back any time!